Tie Me Up, Tie Me Down

One thing that can always be counted on in EMS…you never know what your shift will hold for you. I could usually tell how my night was going to go by the way I woke up. If I wasn’t rushed, and I was able to consume large quantities of coffee while getting ready for work, it was going to be a good night. If it was a “good hair day” (night), chances were the shift would go well…Don’t judge! There was still some Prom Queen left in me!

Off to work I would go. I still liked my uniform to be ironed. I still had my pink trauma shears in my right thigh pocket. I may have added some makeup in my left thigh pocket… (Again, don’t judge! I was a single girl running calls with lots of firemen and police officers!) I traded in my previous black boots for a new pair of steel toe Dr. Martens. I loved my yellow-stitching, large-sole-clomping Docs. And I was the only one at work that wore them, so they made me feel special…sort of like my own little tiara! (Insert BIG winky face here.)

Every shift either my partner or I would put us in service, and dispatch would give us our assignment. This particular night happened to a full moon, so the crazies were out in full swing! We were sent directly downtown where the calls were going out nonstop.

BEEP. BEEP. “Unit 101 Respond to a psych at Downtown Tavern.” Lights…Check. Sirens…Check. Dispatch advised that PD was on scene. Okie dokie. “Unit 101 is on scene.” And as I am looking through the windshield at the police officers wrangling a slip of a woman that is acting like a feral cat caught in a pillow case. “Aaaaaand we have patient contact.” Ugh.

As we approached the screaming and fighting woman, the officer informed us that the “lady” walked into the bar and started screaming at and fighting with some strangers. I tried to talk to the woman, but she was having none of that. She would yell and kick out. I smelled an odor of an alcoholic beverage on her breath, and I asked her if she had been drinking or if she had done any drugs. “F*#k you!” was all she would say to me. Very classy.

I am not sure how such a small woman was able to wrestle so many of us (it took 5 of us to hold her down), but we were finally able to get her on the cot, and tie her hands and feet down with kerlix (Kerlix™ bandage rolls provide fast-wicking action, superior aeration, and excellent absorbency. They are made of prewashed, fluff-dried 100% woven gauze with unique crinkle-weave pattern for loft and bulk to cushion and protect wound areas. Finished edges on the product reduce loose ends and lint.). Cue the screams and profanity! And the spitting. Oh. Hell. No! I hate that!

Our ambulances were not equipped with “spit hoods” like the police officers carried, so we had to improvise. I put an oxygen non-rebreather mask on her (set at 15L of oxygen…I am a professional, after all), but she kept shaking it off after she had spit into it and it came back on her. It was going to be a long ride to the hospital. I tried to reason with her. I tried to ask her questions about her medical history (I had already gleaned that there was a significant psych history going on). Nothing was helping.

I keyed the mic to give my radio report to the ER, but we were unable to hear each other over the screaming and colorful language. We pulled up to the hospital about five minutes later, and wheeled her into the ER. As we were moving her near the hospital bed, one of the residents cut the kerlix holding her arm down…SMACK! The resident was punched squarely in the face. Lesson learned for someone that night. I was more than happy to hightail it out of the Emergency Department that night. I could only handle so much crazy in one shift, and I was looking forward to a couple of days off after this call.

My days off usually consisted of running errands and picking up groceries. Grocery shopping was one of my favorite things to do! There was a large grocery store near my place that was frequented by everyone from downtown business people to yuppies to hippies. It was fantastic people watching. That day I hit the store right at the dinner rush. UGH. I decided to just grab a few things and save the bulk of the shopping until later. The lines were long, and I had been waiting for what seemed like… “You BITCH!” someone yelled as they were pulling on my purse.

People started to look over at me as I was grabbing at my purse and gawking at this woman next to me. “You tied me up last night!” Oh, no. “You tied me up and I didn’t want to be tied up!” People were turning around and looking at the scene taking place at the checkout area. I can only imagine what was going through their minds at the scene unfolding in front of them. I tried to hush her, but she was having none of it. She was grabbing at my purse and basket, pushing me, and continuing to yell. My face was so hot I thought it might burst into flames. The store security (who knew me from shopping there in uniform) came to the rescue, but not without a few chuckles. She started fighting them like a cat in water. They had to restrain her with handcuffs, and take her outside to the police officers that just pulled up. Thank God I was next in line. I quickly paid for my items as all eyes were still on me. I just wanted to jump up on the conveyor belt and yell, “I tied her to my cot in the ambulance!” But would that be any better? Would ordinary people (non EMS or first responder people) get it?

Note to self: Do my shopping either very late at night or at a store no where near the area I work.