Don’t Worry, Be Happy!

One thing I love about EMS is that no two shifts are ever the same. No two calls are ever the same. I loved the adrenaline rush that coursed through my body every time my unit number was called and the lights and sirens were flipped. I was a 22 year-old kid that was out there actually saving lives.

Until…there were non-emergency transfers. I know I had previously stated that I didn’t mind running transfers because I was still getting experience. But as time went on (and I got a smidge cocky), I didn’t want to waste my time running the calls that were from hospital to home, hospital to nursing home, nursing home to hospital, home to nursing home…you get the point.

Here I go…Uniform ironed. Makeup on. Hair done. Check, check, and check. I hopped in the ambulance that day, and put on my sunglasses. Yep…it was a day shift. I was working amongst the happy, shiny people that move around during “banker’s hours”. It was an overtime shift, so I could endure the daylight for some extra money! But with day shifts come the dreaded (cue the sound…don, don, don…) non-emergency transfers. You could bet your bottom dollar I was going to try and avoid those calls! Who would I have to suck up to in dispatch? Starbucks, anyone?

I grabbed the mic, and in my most obsequious (good word, huh?), butt-kissing voice, I said “Good morning! I hope you are having a good day. Unit 109 is in service!” I smiled at my partner for the day. That is how it’s don……..

BEEP. BEEP. Unit 109. Head to Memorial Hospital for a non-emergency transfer. Patient is in Room 302 going to River Park Nursing Facility.” Doesn’t that just figure? I hate days! We headed toward the hospital at a rate well below the speed limit so that we could jump an emergency call that came along. No such luck.

At least it was a nice day. The temperature was a balmy 85 degrees. The sun was shining, and people were out and about everywhere. We had the windows down in the ambulance. It was perfect. I had my arm hanging out the window as we pulled up into the parking garage of the hospital. My partner put us on scene, and…OUCH! What the H*&% just poked me? I jerked my arm in and noticed a red mark on the top of my forearm. Whatever that was, it hurt!

I hopped out of the ambulance, and as I shut the door, I started to cough. I felt like I had something caught in my throat.

By the time I made it to the back doors of our rig, my heart was racing, and I was having a difficult time breathing. My throat was starting to swell shut. I was FREAKING OUT! My partner took one look at the panicked look on my face and ushered me in through the Emergency Room doors. When we walked up to one of the ER nurses, the life-saver-EMT started telling her that something “was wrong” with me (Oh, let me count the ways!). I, on the other hand, stood there making wild gestures to my throat while whistling sounds came out from my airway.

The next thing I knew, I was on a hospital bed, surrounded by nurses and an ER doctor. There was an oxygen non-rebreather mask on my face. Someone was starting an I.V. in my arm. The doctor was asking me if I was allergic to any medications while another nurse was shoving a needle in my…Ow…arm. All of a sudden there was a burning sensation throughout my insides, and then… BOOM! My whole body started convulsing, but I was completely conscious. What the hell was going on? I was looking around wildly at the nurses. I still couldn’t catch my breath, and now I was doing the “kickin’ chicken”! Another needle stabbed through my skin, and seconds later the shaking stopped.

I started gulping in air. My heart felt like it was going to beat right out of my chest. The doctor started all over with his questions. What started all of this? The poke from something out the window. Am I allergic to bee stings? I have never been stung before. I may be the only person to survive a childhood without an encounter with one of those flying beasts…only to get skewered by one while pulling in to a hospital. (How fortuitous for me, actually!) What about all the convulsions? I am not allergic to any medications. They had given me Benadryl before the dystonic reaction (Dystonia is a movement disorder in which your muscles contract involuntarily, causing repetitive or twisting movements. The condition can affect one part of your body (focal dystonia), two or more adjacent parts (segmental dystonia) or all parts of your body (general dystonia). The muscle spasms can range from mild to severe.). How on God’s green earth can someone be allergic to Benadryl? That’s what people are given for an allergic reaction!

Apparently, a small percentage of the human race is allergic to Benadryl… And bees, or wasps, or hornets, or anything that can sting the living crap out of me! A valuable lesson was learned that day…

Rule #10: Know Your Own Medical History

I now know that I need to stay away from flying venomous insects that will cause me to quit breathing in two minutes; Benadryl will make me flop around like a fish out of water; my blood type is AB- (which, incidentally, also makes me a freak of nature since only 1% of the human race has this blood type).

Hey…at least I got out of the non-emergency transfer that day!