Have you ever had the feeling that everything is going a little too smoothly? I was loving my ride-along time. I was learning that my textbook would certainly help me pass the National Registry Paramedic exam, but it wasn’t very accurate when it came to caring for a patient in real life.
The emergency calls were run at a fast pace. Some of them were pull up; jump out; get your patient; load them up; take them to the hospital. And then there were the “stay and play” calls. I liked those the best. I seemed to catching my rhythm with each call. I was getting great detailed medical histories from patients. I was hitting every I.V. like I had been doing it forever. I could look at the cardiac monitor and tell what rhythm the patient was presenting with. It felt a little like the game I played as a kid… I was King (well, Queen) of the Mountain! It was good to be on top!
New day, new preceptor. Third verse, same as the first…you know the words…pants, trauma shears, yada, yada, yada. I was feeling good that day. It was a good hair day! (One thing to note about me…I know if it’s going to be a good day or a bad day depending on whether the ‘do looks good or pitiful. Yes, I am well aware that is shallow. I was a Prom Queen, after all!)
My preceptor and her partner were a lot of fun to ride around with, but I was a little disappointed that we hadn’t had any calls but some non-emergency transfers. How was I going to be a kick-ass paramedic running calls like that?…
“Unit 113…Respond to a chest pain.” Now we’re talking! There went the sirens, and we were speeding down the road. The cars were pulling to the left and right (always pull to the right!), like Noah parting the Red Sea. The air horn blasted at those that stopped dead center in the road. Minutes later we braked in front of the house as the fire department was rushing the patient to our ambulance.
My palms started to sweat. This patient looked sick. I hadn’t had a patient that was this serious yet. Everyone was rushing around to get things done…oxygen here, pulse ox there. The paramedic preceptor was getting the I.V. ready, and she hollered for me to take a “quick look” at the patient’s cardiac rhythm. OK…Then I vapor locked. (The only “quick look” I knew how to do was with the defibrillator paddles; holding them down firmly on the chest to see what rhythm shows up…ventricular fibrillation or asystole. That is what I learned in the textbook!) I grabbed the paddles and started to put them on the patient’s chest when I heard a shrieking, “STOP! What are you doing?” Apparently the paddles were not the right answer…she wanted me to put the 3-lead electrodes on. Good Lord…Real world EMS-1, Textbook-0. I felt like an idiot.
And just like that…I was knocked off the top of the mountain. The patient looked at me as if I had tried to kill him! I was mortified! I had wished that the bottom of the “rig” would open up and I would fall through to some unknown dimension.
My preceptor was never one to hold a grudge…so to add insult to injury, she patted my head like a puppy, and spoke to me in a baby-talk voice. “We still wuv our wittle baby medic. She’s just werning.” (Insert gigantic eyeroll here.)
That is why, folks, I try to never make the same mistake twice. I can only stand certain humiliations once in a lifetime.